I dont do blood …..

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I dont do blood ,i really dont .
I cant even cope with blood tests which i have so many of .
I sliced my thumb today while chopping peppers I cried I
panicked because of the blood , the kids tell me its no more than a paper cut but in my head I’m bleeding out and I’m convinced i was moments away from slicing my thumb off , no sympathy as they think I’m overreacting , ok usually i am , but not this time .
The whole blood phobia is actually a big problem for me as when my children are hurt i run from them screaming calling my eldest (dan) who is fazed by nothing and my first aider daughter leanne ,
Let me give an example or two son was run over aged 11, he ran home from the scene and collapsed by our door , i phoned my sister ( on my street ) and waited upstairs to paramedics had had a look ,I did go in the ambulance though .
When other son,Ben was almost one I was hoovering with the hose whilst he stuck his hand in the beater bar , of course he didn’t scream till I stopped the hoover ,I pulled his hand out , saw the whole skin had come off of the middle of the back of his hand ,I saw his bones , ran to neighbours screaming !
Ollie sliced his foot on broken china , pouring with blood , I Picked up ollie and ran to neighbours house ,passed out on her floor ( me not ollie)
Its not just blood , its broken bones , when Emma broke her foot at playcentre i couldn’t bring myself to look , and Ben ,still accident prone , broke an ankle skateboarding , when that cast came off he immediately broke the other ankle cycling , that cast came of and ….guess what ….he broke his other ankle at football training, each time I couldn’t look at the broken limbs . Calling either my sister or a neighbour , my now 16 yo had a fit of some kind in her brothers room , a couple of years ago cutting her head open in the process of falling off the chair , my neighbours came and sat with her till the ambulance came ,while I hyperventilated in my room

How the heck do I get over this absolute panic and fear over a bit of blood or broken bones ,the kids are used to it ,they know i will be there as soon as the bloods bandaged or the break is out of my sight , but I feel stupid because a mothers instinct is to run to her hurt child ,mine is to run away , one day something could happen where they actually need me to step up and be brave ,I’m not sure i can . I want to be there and soothe them and comfort them but how can I?

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