Choosing happy.


I am a perpetual glass half empty kind of person.
Optimism is something I just don’t have. And I really annoy myself with my attitude. I always focus on the worst case scenario. And magnify it.
I worry so much about what might happen that I’m actually exhausted with worry. I can’t ever enjoy things because I’m worrying about something else.
A good example is this week. Since last Thursday when we applied for the ( excellent) ASD unit I have done nothing but worry about whether Ollie will get a place. I’ve been pacing up and down waiting for the post. Waiting for a phone call. Convincing myself that he won’t get a place.
The thing is it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t. I’m happy having him learning at home , he’s happy at home so if he doesn’t get in we will just carry on. So I really don’t need to be worrying about it 24/7. I’m not even sure why I am.
And then there’s what if he does get in. Will he settle , will he cope ? Will it be a catastrophe ? He hasn’t even got a place yet , I need to stop.
now .
I never let myself be happy. Because there’s always a what if.
But I’m coming to realise that being happy is a choice. You can’t sit and wait for happiness to happen.
You have to decide to be happy. To let yourself be happy. You just have to allow yourself to be in the moment. To live in the now. To take every bit of happiness there is and hold onto it.
There are things I like to do , watching certain TV shows , blogging , reading , walking the dog , playing a game with the kids , just being with the kids. Kitchen dancing always cheers me up , if I let it. Having a good old sing along to the radio or my iTunes. Having a snuggle with Ollie after the others have left for school. Sometimes just grabbing ten minutes alone , on the sofa with my eyes closed in peace and quiet can be wonderful.
I need to make more of an effort to do these things that I enjoy. And I need to see the good in things.
Sure I have things to be stressed about but there are two sides to everything.
Yes two of my boys have autism and yes that’s hard but I am lucky enough to have seven children. Seven children that I am very proud of. And physically they are all very healthy.
Yes I have PSA , I have a lot of pain but I can manage the pain ( if I make more effort to remember my meds ) and PSA is not going to kill me. I won’t die from it.
Yes I’m usually skint but actually we gave a roof over our heads , we are warm and we have good in our bellies.
It could be worse !
I want to choose happiness wherever I can.
You can’t change your mindset overnight but I need to learn to stop waiting for , expecting the worst.
I need to learn to stop stressing about everything before it happens and accept that I can and will face things when they happen and not let things suck all of my happy away before they happen.
Life is so short and so unpredictable that I can’t just go through life bogged down in my own pessimism.
I choose happy.

what do you do to make yourself happy?
how do you do optimism ?


7 responses »

  1. I find that following the #bepbb hashtag in the evenings really helps. It is possibly to find something positive everyday, then highlight it. But I know what you mean, I’m very similar with how I think.

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