The one where I’m a mutant mum but could possibly get a part in Eastenders


Ollie couldn’t not settle down at bedtime tonight. We had forgotten his melatonin and for some reason he was completely hyped up as if he’d drunk 4 strong coffees.
He paced the bedroom floor for a while , sat on the bed with me talking gibberish and employed all of his delaying tactics such as needing to say goodnight to the cat , again and again , saying goodnight to the dog , checking what leanne was doing down stairs.

After a while he sat on the bed and said ” mum the problem is , I can’t settle , I want to go downstairs to Leanne but mum you are all being nice now and I know that when I go down and dont come back up you will mutate and come down like a mutated mum saying ” come on Oliver get your butt upstairs right now – with a cross face on , so what am I supposed to do mum ?’
He then did an impression of me telling him to go to bed and we laughed because I said it made me sound like I should be in Eastenders.

It did make me think though , perhaps I do go a bit fish wife when I’m frustrated with him not going to bed ( in my defence it’s usually midnight by the time I’ve got annoyed with him ) I’m going to think more about how I let him know I’m cross and really want him to do as I ask without looking like I’m auditioning to be Bianca Jackson’s long lost twin.

We were laughing now ,I’d said I’m an old age mutant ninja mum to which Ollie kindly replied ” no mum you have a few years till you are properly old ” humph !!! so I said ” oh Ollie you’re such an adorable little rebel” bad move , cue wibbly lip , tears , sniffles ” you been mean to me mum ” because rebels break laws and obvs Ollie doesn’t break laws ( Oliver’s words there )
Reminiscent of last week when , in jest , I called him a silly mongoose.

• I should have quit while he was laughing
•ollie doesn’t get joking / banter , at all , EVER. I should probably stop being funny.
• Makes a mental note to not ever call him as daft as a brush or a flamin galah


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