Two weeks ago I went to see my gp because I was a mess
I wasn’t sleeping atall , maybe two hours a night for a good few weeks.
I was anxious and I felt unbearably sad.
Not sad over anything in particular. Just sad deep in my soul. About everything.
My gp increased my citalopram from 20 to 40 mg. and gave me diazepam for the panics and to help me sleep. Since them I’ve made a conscious effort to help myself feel better.
Taking my tablets regularly.
Sleeping much better ( but not great)
Eating much better. No junk has passed my lips. I’m eating healthy dinners.
I’m eating 3 meals a day.
I would often only have one.
And drinking fresh juices. ( the good ones – innocent )
And I must say I’m not feeling nearly as anxious. And the feel of unbearable sadness has gone.
But the problem is I’m not feeling much atall. I’m tired ( though I’m sleeping more) I feel empty.
I haven’t even got any anger , I don’t mean raging anger , I just can’t even be bothered to nag.,when the kids just don’t do anything I ask. I’ve got no oomph. I’m just empty going through the motions.
Is this normal. Do the meds need more time.
Is the real me just …. Empty.
I haven’t even been on twitter because I’ve needed head space and time with the kids. And now I’m tweeting again I feel a bit invisible. I want to be able to say yoohoo I’m still here. I’m just struggling a bit.
I haven’t blogged because I feel I’ve totally lost my way with my blog. I’m sure what it is. Or what it should be.So i guess I feel a bit empty about the blog too.
I miss it though. Blogging.
I don’t even
Know what I’m trying to say here.
Maybe just that I’m still here , still wanting to tweet …. Still wishing I could get the blog going again but I’m struggling.
Waiting for the emptiness to pass.