It’s not easy is it ?
To say you’re not ok.
To say you’re struggling.
It’s not easy to say that the anxiety is back.
The panic attacks.
Well , this is me saying I’m not ok.
Anxiety has a grip on me.
The panic attacks are back with a vengeance.
I’ve not slept for more than a couple of hours a night for about a month now.
The panic attacks creep up on me in the still of the night.
They frighten me.
I lay in bed and I can feel the room getting smaller and it’s hard to breathe. I have to get up , open the window , gasp for air.
Walk around the house.
Talk to the dog.
Then there’s the falling.
Laying in bed , feeling like , convinced that I’m falling , falling fast and I have to get out of bed and hold on to something.
I have to Remember that I’m safe , I’m in my room.
I have to tell myself that it’s just a feeling , that I won’t die there in my room , alone , out of the blue.
Because that’s what the anxiety makes me believe.
And then the panic that comes from nowhere , standing in the kitchen making a tea , telling me I can’t breathe. Telling me something terrible is going to happen to me , right there.
I went back to the doctor today.
I won’t lie , it was hard , so hard to go and tell my gp how I’m feeling.
I cried , I poured my heart out.
I told her I’m struggling.
She told me I should be proud that I made the appointment.
She’s doubled my citalopram and given me 3 weeks worth of diazepam , she’s also referring me for CBT.
I have to go back and see her in 2 weeks.
She understood. I felt relieved and supported.
I’m glad I made the appointment.
I know I can do this , I can beat this again , but it seems a little bit harder everytime.
I know from experience that talking about it helps.
So I’m talking about it. Here.
Anxiety isn’t something to be ashamed off.
It’s not something to hide.
So I won’t hide it.
If anyone has advice I’ll take it.
I don’t know how to cope with the panic attacks.
Right now I don’t know how to feel ok.
If you are suffering from anxiety , panic attacks , don’t hide it. Do to try to cope alone.
There is great strength in asking for help.