Reflecting …. And goodbye for now.


2013 …. I started the year newly turned 38 , the year is one that will be remembered for being shit. The year in general and 38.

This is a quick run through of the highlights , mostly lowlights of the year.

Jan : finally diagnosed with PSA , given painful steroid injection in bum.
Still crippled and in agony after injection so moved onto methotrexate , a low dose chemo drug , an immunosuppressant that will make me anemic and makes me very very sick for two days a week.
The best * sarcastic face* thing about this medication is the two weekly blood tests. Great , because I have a crippling fear of blood and needles.
Every time I have a blood test need to lie down , have a glass of water and a big cry. Yes I’m * that* person
The man says he’s amazed that I never get any braver.
So aside from the side affects I find I can walk again and use my arms and fingers. The pain and swelling and the almighty stiffness is still there but I can walk.

Then after 3 years of let’s say * my food rushing through me in mere minutes * and mostly surviving on diet coke a series of 10 blood tests reveals I have IBS.

They also picked up on the fact that I have microcytosis which needed 3 more blood tests to confirm. And I’m still not even sure what it Is.
So that’s all been fun.

In the meantime the 16 year old was being a bit of a knob. He achieved a school record for lowest attendance 😡

And it was an ongoing struggle to get help and support for my then 17 year old from CAMHS. which led to an official complaint against them.
At the same time things were going terribly wrong for Ollie at school and at home. So to add to my nine year fight with CAMHS I had to now fight for ollie too.

By Easter things were bad at school. Ollie had a few one day exclusions. He was restrained on a daily basis.
We had * hoody gate * which I don’t think I will ever get over. And his hours got shorter and shorter.

By September school just wasn’t working atall. I was attending endless meetings that were frustrating and at times soul destroying.

Both boys were finally diagnosed with ASD , tourrettes and more ,

my heart broke for my boy a million times this year.

The stress of all these goings on lead to increasingly regular IBS and PSA flare ups which exhaust me.

And by November I had deregistered Ollie from school.

It’s been a year of almost no sleep , side effects , doctors appointments and sickness. As well as psychiatrists , educational psychologists and support workers that come and go.

Oh and to top that off nicely my depression and anxiety returned with a bang.
So more medication for me.

We had mice this year , which I was genuinely terrified of. I couldn’t be in the kitchen alone for 4 weeks. Thankfully they led to me buying a kitten.

And now Christmas , I’m not ready , I have no clue when I can wrap presents , not even for Oliver’s birthday. It’s all a bit of a nightmare.

There have been good bits. Our holiday , which if you read the blog you will know it actually all went a bit wrong. Towards the end anyway.

We had a fun summer of days out.

I feel I’ve made some real twitter friends. They know who they are or I hope they do because I’m crap at remembering twitter names.

I started blogging which I’ve found I enjoy , I like to write and it’s been quite well received. I’m proud of my blog.

I also went a bit daring and wrote two stories , which amazingly people liked.

I found massive support from my blog, my readers have been there through all of this supporting me.

So yes there were good bits but overall 2013 and being 38 was PANTS

Things look to be improving for next year the FRT ( family recovery team) are heavily involved and change seems to be coming.
I’ve realised I can be strong and tough and stand my ground , I just need to remember that more often.

So I’m very pleased to say goodbye to this year. And I think I’m putting down the blog now and till after Christmas.

I may just post a few from the archives that I’ve loved writing.
But for now I’m tired , have too much to do and need some time to reflect.

So I’d to thank each and every single one of you that has read my blog this year and commented and retweeted and supported me.

And I would like to wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

It’s goodbye …. For now
But I will be back.

ps after a lot of thought I can’t / won’t change anything about my writing style because … Well my blog is me and if I changed it wouldn’t be me xxx


8 responses »

  1. “So I’d to thank each and every single one of you that has read my blog this year.”
    Here’s to many more mumblings in 2014. And much good stuff for you, O and the rest of the Tozer Troupe.

  2. I always love reading your blog, and you know your writing style matches my reading style!

    Wishing you all a happy Christmas, (and you a happy birthday!) I hope you get some rest in the run up and during. But most of all I wish you a much better 2014. I am so glad I met you ( in the Twitter sense!) in 2013!

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