I’ve written a couple of blog posts since deciding finally to definitely take Ollie out of school.
A few people have commented on these posts saying I sound like a different person since I made my mind up and I really do feel different.
I woke up this morning , after actually sleeping and felt good. I got loads done today , the most productive I been for ages. And I just felt good , all day.
I feel lighter !
I’ve been reading back over some of my blog posts and some of them are just so desperate. And sad. And it’s not until reading back that it really hit me just what an awful time it’s been.
I feel sad for the girl who wrote those posts , who didn’t know how to help her little boy or who to get help from.
The girl who couldn’t bear to see her boy crying at the school gate or being restrained and trying to lash out in the school , the girl who just didn’t know what to do.
The girl who once again faced anxiety and panic attacks.
I also feel proud because that girl is me.
And however awful and crap it’s been we got through it.
I haven’t magically found all the answers but I know how best to help Ollie , ( right now at least )
I never gave up trying and I can say without any doubt that I’ve done my best.
My most recent posts were written by the girl who can cope , better than she imagined. The girl who is stronger than she thought and the girl who has made big decisions and trusts in her choices.
I am different.
I’m stronger , I’m braver !
I haven’t got through it alone.
I’ve had amazing and unwavering support through twitter and my blog every step of the way.
I’ve learnt that people care. They really do. You don’t have to go through things alone.
And my kids, well they are still the messy , lazy , disorganised bunch they always were but they are good kids.
I’ve had my eye off the ball more than I should , I’ve been tired , so tired and poorly and stressed.
But they go to school and do me proud , they do me proud everywhere They go , they don’t make or get into trouble and they make my life easier by being the good kids that they are.
They always have hugs for me , sometimes they make me tea and they always make me proud.
We are at a turning point now , a huge weight has been lifted , a huge amount of stress will be no more.
Life isn’t going to suddenly be perfect , the boys will always have autism , the kids will never tidy their rooms and I will probably still feel the need to eat Ripples in bed, for comfort ! (written whilst eating a Ripple in bed , for comfort of course )
But it’s going to be different , better , easier …. And it’s been a long time coming.
THANKYOU for reading and thank you for all the supportive comments and advice I get on my blog 💜