Torn between my head and my heart


So tomorrow is back to school.
I’m dreading it.
Why can’t it be half term forever ?

With the start of the new term I’m once again torturing myself with the question that I’ve been trying to answer for months now.

Should I just pull O out of school and keep him home with me.
Teach him myself.
Where he is happy and relaxed and most importantly feels safe.
I can’t stand the idea of putting him through the ordeal of school any longer.
I don’t feel comfortable with seeing my 8 year old so scared and distressed
Really I know what I want to do , what I think is best but I haven’t had the guts to commit to it.
I feel like its time I either man up and commit or just stop torturing myself.

O is so happy at home.
He is himself
I’m not saying there are no problems at home , O has autism , that doesn’t go away but at home he is almost completely un stressed.

He is able to play
Be happy
Isn’t that how all children should be ?

At school he is stressed , very stressed , he’s unhappy he doesn’t feel safe , he’s not learning , he isn’t having a fulfilling life !

It all sounds so easy when I’m writing it down.
It’s obvious !

But I’m scared that it might not be the right decision , how do I know how can I be sure.

What if I can’t teach him well enough.
What if I hold him back.
What if he doesn’t have enough social interaction ??
What if the ” professionals ” don’t agree with my decision ?

How will I actually know what to teach him ?
What will I do on the days when my IBS or my PSA flare and I’m not in great shape ?

How will I know exactly
What he should be learning and when ?
How will I measure how well he is doing ?
What will I do when he becomes secondary school age ?

My heart tells me to just do it , trust my feelings , know that I know what’s best for my little boy , learn as we go , take the plunge !

But my head tells me there is so much to think about.
What if ?
What if ?
What if ?

My 20 year old lives and breathes science and maths ,I have no doubt at all that he knows more science and maths than any of O’s teachers.
He’s at uni doing physics , he’s told me that if I decide to keep O at home he will help me to plan what O needs to learn and how to teach him and he will help me with planning what maths to teach O and how.
I’m terrible at maths but I think that with the help of my eldest I could probably do this !

I’m sure I can do this
My heart wants me to do this

But I’m scared to make the decision.


11 responses »

  1. you know, it is possible to home educate for a while – a year for example – and then re-enter the school system if the home ed dosn’t work out…. Maybe knowing that will make the idea seem less frightening?

  2. I was in the exact same position last year with Zach, he hated school more than anything and I was so close to taking him out of it. What a difference a year made though as now he loves school and can’t wait to go! You never know what the future may hold but if it is becoming too unbearable to wait and find out then I say go for it, take the plunge, you know your child better than any “professional” ever could! xx

      School just can’t cope with him. They have no desire to try and understand him. He’s not been learning anything since last Christmas. It all just makes me feel like school is a waste of time for him right now.

      • I can totally relate, just know that whatever decision you make WILL be the right one, because you are his mother. You have the gift of knowing him more than anyone else ever could, stay out of your mind and follow your heart πŸ™‚

      • Go for it ! I have and it was the best thing I could have done for my son. I just couldn’t let him go through any more torment.Can I just add – you know your son more than anyone proclaiming to be a expert on his needs. Keeping him happy and anxiety free is more important than any self made pro’s opinion on his needs or your decision to home teach. My sons Doctor and psychologist have said that his mum is the expert on his needs, nobody else especially in the education sector ! And no doubt you are the expert on your little one.
        Enjoy his company and the precious time with him whilst you can, he’ll be 18 before you know it x

  3. I’m exactly at the same place as you!! Before half term, I was so angry at my daughter’s school I kept her off for three days without informing them and avoided all contact. I lived abroad since E was 2 until last year when she was 11, and homeschooled most of the time. Coming back to the UK has been a nightmare. I have already told my LEA that their school sucks, and to go ahead and deregister her. They want meetings etc., but to be honest I have tried so hard with the school, and they really just don’t want to know. So now neither do I. It is such a great feeling of relief to be returning to stress free learning. Good Luck!! X

  4. Love, just do it.
    “They have no desire to try and understand him. He’s not been learning anything since last Christmas. It all just makes me feel like school is a waste of time for him right now.”
    You’ve said it yourself. Not only is O happier at home, it couldn’t possibly be worse than the status quo. Even if his misery alone wasn’t reason enough to move him (it is), it is doubtful that he will ever be capable of learning anything when he is so unhappy. I would argue that continuing with the status quo could even be damaging to him – it may spoil his desire to learn and harm, not help, his social abilities because so much of his interaction with others there is distressing.
    All the things you mention can be overcome. It’s worth remembering that our school system churns out quite a lot of maladjusted, empty-headed, socially inept individuals despite the fact they’ve spent 11 years in a classroom with a teacher and other children. You want O to develop his social skills, take him to a club or an activity or invite friends to play. (Don’t forget he has six brothers and sisters to interact with too!)
    I am quite sure you can teach him well enough and won’t hold him back. You are a smart, patient and enthusiastic woman. There are also many teachers and people on Twitter who can help you and I am sure there must be plenty of resources out there for parents who home-school. I have very limited teaching experience but am more than happy to advise if I can. Look at it this way: he is getting one-to-one attention with someone he trusts and who can move at his pace. That’s a wonderful opportunity for him.
    And as for the professionals and their opinion – sod ’em. Where have they got O? In the situation he’s in now, that’s where.
    You can totally do it. xx

  5. Hello – just feel I have to respond to this.
    I went through the same thing…… Or similar at least! We spent 18 months home schooling and now my 12 and 14 year old sons are back in school and doing really well. We spent our time at home de-stressing and re-building self-esteem. This takes time, so don’t worry too much about what you are going to teach him at first. The main thing is to get him back on track! My 12 year old spent the first 3 months sleeping he was so exhausted by the stresses of school! I am sure you are making the right decision. There are lots of people in your shoes – seek them out – you will find them to be very supportive. Good luck!

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