Too quick to judge


I was expecting it but I wasn’t prepared for it.
We had a lovely visit at the PRU yesterday , but by the time we left it was all a bit much for O.
We had literally just left the building when the the mother of all meltdowns kicked off.
I’m not talking about a tantrum , this was so much more. A real full blown meltdown.
It started with a raised voice which quickly escalated into shouting
“Leave me alone , leave me alone ”
Accompanied by O kicking the bus shelter and the nearby rubbish bin. By now there was screaming , crying , full blown rage and lots of thrashing around.
I was only just barely keeping it together when the lady sitting at the bus stop began tutting and shaking her head. ” oh dear I wonder who will win this little tantrum”
This made O worse and it quite frankly made me feel like s**t.
I was struggling and already embarrassed and upset , I did not need someone wrongly assuming my child was being naughty and throwing a tantrum.
I was trying to keep in mind that this was not bad behaviour this was O reacting to a morning that was all too much for him.
But it’s hard to keep a level head when you are feeling judged. We were at a bus stop on a long stretch of main road and O was thrashing around , running dangerously close to the road , when the bus came I had to get him on. I had no choice because I needed to get him away from the road. I had to hold him on the bus so he wouldn’t be able to kick or lash out , it wasn’t the best thing to do as he screamed for me not to touch him.
He wasn’t going to hurt anyone and I know it didn’t make for a pleasant bus ride but we were only on for a few stops and I think it was quite obvious that this was more than a tantrum. But the few passengers on the bus all gave me the evil eye and the head shake. I could almost hear them thinking what a horrible kid he was and what a terrible job I was doing.
Maybe I shouldn’t have got on the bus yet but I just needed him away from the road.
Situations like this and in fact any kind of tantrum are uncomfortable and embarrassing , they are heartbreaking because your child is so distressed what you don’t need is judgemental people who don’t understand the situation to make you feel useless and humiliated with remarks , head shaking and the evil eye.
When you see something like this happening think before you make wise remarks , probably just don’t say anything. Hold back with the head shaking its only a small gesture but it can have a powerful effect in making someone feel extremely inadequate and, Instead of glaring look away or better still offer the person dealing with it a look – not of pity – but a look that says I can see what you’re dealing with , don’t feel bad !
What we really need is a world where people try harder to understand each other but for now let’s settle for not judging what we don’t know or understand !


2 responses »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s