Monthly Archives: April 2013

Tank warriors

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Sea monkeys …. Ive met them before , around 11 years ago I bought them for my now 17 year old . they didn’t last long because one afternoon the kid stood sniggering while i drank my tea and as i finished he announced that he had put sea monkeys in my tea. After much vomiting and panicking they were dumped straight down the loo.
Forward to christmas 2012 , I bought them for the 11 and 8 y/o for Christmas , I thought they would be a fun little sciencey thing to do. They probably wouldn’t hatch , let alone live. And they were warned that mummy does not want to drink sea monkeys , EVER !
They hatched , they lived , they still live and they multiply all the time. Little little wiggly warriors , growing in size and numbers constantly. The trouble is I don’t know how to clean the water in their smelly little tanks. The water is a rather yucky green and not very clear. There are more than a few Dead Sea monkeys lurking on the bottom , as well as a dead fly. I can’t catch them and transfer them to a bowl while I clean the tank because they are tiny and Im not about to go and buy expensive tank cleaning contraptions. Because , well they’re just tiny wiggly little ” things”
So every day I check the tanks hoping that they may all have ” sadly” died overnight. But I’m sure there are actually more every time I look.
I can’t bring myself to put them in the loo. I did that after I drank them , it didn’t make me happy.
So how the heck do I clean their water. If they insist on living I feel the least I can do is give them a clean home.
Do you have sea monkeys?How do you clean their tank ?
Or were you not stupid enough to buy them in the first place?

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Feeling lost.

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So it’s Monday again. Another week that I have to get the 8 year old up every day and make him go to a place where he really doesn’t want to be. A place where everything is too much for him. Too many people. Too much noise. Too many situations he can’t cope with. A place where he makes noises that he doesn’t want to make. He cried again this morning. He had ” tummy ache” he begged to stay home. But I let him stay home on Friday. I can’t do it every day. I’ve already had a letter about his attendance. We walked to school like snails this morning. Sad snails. Going slowly to a place where nothing feels right. I found myself in asda after the school run sitting in the toilet feeling lost and awful. Feeling like I’d abandoned him again. Not knowing what to do. Feeling like I wanted to go and get him back. And take him home where things feel better for him.
When an 8 year old needs help they should get help NOW They should have every bit of help there is thrown at them. They should be wrapped in help.
It shouldn’t be hard to get help. 8 is too young to feel like this. 8 should be fun. It should be easy. But it’s not. And that is wrong. SO WRONG.

Stopping for a while

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Sundays are my busy day. The day when I try to catch up on all the housework and stuff I never get time for in the week.
Sundays are a bit rubbish. I do a lot of nagging. ” is your room tidy , is your homework all done , give me your blazer to wash , tidy your room , put your washing away , help me do this/ that / everything TIDY YOUR ROOM ”
This morning the sun was shining , the house was reasonably tidy and I felt like we needed some sunshine and fresh air.
So after I got the dreaded ironing done , we got dressed for the park , got the bikes out , put the dog on her lead , she needs sunshine and fresh air too , and headed to the park.
The kids played , rode their bikes , climbed , swung , laughed and I just stopped for a while.
Felt the sun on my face. Read a little. Had a bottle of coke.

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It’s not Sarah’s coke …. It’s all mine.

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Breaking the taboo

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I have some experience of mental illness / mental health disorders I’m never sure what to call it , I’ll go with mental disorders for this post , I have suffered from varying degrees of anxiety through out my life sometimes needing medication to get me through but most of the time I cope and it doesn’t have a huge impact on my life.
But as I’ve said before I have a teenager with mental health disorders and a younger child with “something ” wrong. I don’t know what yet.
The fact that mental health is still a big taboo , even in what is albeit slowly becoming a more accepting society ,really angers and frustrates me.
Mental disorders are cruel they can strike anyone at any time in their life. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. You don’t choose it , it chooses you. And when it does it can tear your world apart. It impacts on you and people around you.It can impact on every aspect of your life. But still so many remain so ignorant about mental health.
They don’t understand , they don’t try to understand. People still think you can “snap out of depression” “cheer up” ” stop moping” . People don’t understand phobia. Social phobia for example can be crippling. Just getting out of the house can be a terrifying experience. A person with social phobia cannot simply “be brave” and go out.
I don’t know much about eating disorders but again you don’t choose to have them. They choose you. When you have an eating disorder you cannot just stop it. If you could I’m sure that everybody suffering from it would.
Because there is so little understanding it can be so very hard to ask for help. There is a fear of being seen as weak , a failure , crazy , having a mental disorder does not mean you are crazy any more than having a broken leg means you are crazy. It doesn’t mean you cannot function at all , it means that there are some aspects of life that you can’t cope with.
And as for weakness , I actually believe that it takes a lot of strength and courage to live with a mental disorder. Just getting through one day can take huge amounts of effort and strength.
And asking for help , in this world where there is so little understanding takes even more strength and courage. To come out and say ” I need help” when you don’t know who can help you , or how , and you know that you probably will be judged ( wrongly) by some is unspeakably difficult and unimaginably brave.
It really is time that we all became more understanding of mental health disorders , after all we never know if and when it will become a part of our lives , it’s not difficult to educate yourself about these things , information is everywhere.
Above all there needs to be more compassion.
Lets learn about mental health and speak about it.
Lets break the taboo.

It’s always better to know

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I’ve been worrying myself sick for weeks. I recieved a letter that I was pretty sure was a mistake but whenever something worries me I tend to bury my head in the sand and hope it will go away. So instead of making a simple phone call to check things out I’ve lost sleep , I’ve worried out of my mind and I haven’t been able to think about much else.

Today I decided it was time to take control of things so I made the phonecall, with sweaty palms and a sick feeling in my tummy.
It turned out I was right. The letter was a mistake. So I had been worrying myself sick over nothing.

I’ve learnt something today. When a situation crops up that is worrying I need to deal with it immediately.instead of unnecessarily making myself ill.
Lesson learnt.

The first appointment

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Forgive me if this post rambles a bit I’m writing as I’m thinking …..
So today was our first CAMHS appointment , the initial assessment. To be honest I wasn’t expecting much as in my experience CAMHS have always done too little too late. But Even so i was hoping to come away from there feeling like we had really got the ball rolling. We saw a different psychiatrist to the one I know , I didn’t even know there was a different one there , so I thought that was a good start. He was friendly enough and O seemed quite comfortable talking to him. He answered all the questions and was able to speak for himself really well. Which I was actually surprised about. He talked alot about his noises and how they make him feel ( embarrassed) then the doctor asked to speak to me alone for a minute. From all the reports he had read from the school he thought that it sounded like O had autism and ADHD , as well as anxiety. But after meeting him for just an hour he doesn’t think there’s anything much wrong , so , what , we’ve been imagining all the problems at school ? The school have asked 3 times for emergency CAMHS appointments because there’s nothing much wrong ? O rages for hours at night because there’s nothing much wrong ? Really ? He doesn’t like to go out at all ,doesn’t like busy places , doesn’t like going on buses because there’s nothing much wrong ?
And the noises , well the doctor said they seem to happen most when O is nervous or stressed , which I agree with , but if there’s ” nothing much wrong ” what is he nervous or stressed about.
He said that he may grow out of the noises , great ,but when ? How long will he be making noises that make him uncomfortable and embarrassed ? And get him sent out of class for being disruptive ? And noises that kids at school take the mickey out of him for ? , he didnt seem very concerned that O has a brother with Tourette’s , just said I need to make the school understand that O can’t help it. That doesn’t really help O though.
Anyway , there will be more appointments , I don’t know when yet , but after the initial assessment I have to say I’m just frustrated , quite cross and not very hopeful.
Obviously I would rather there wasn’t anything much wrong with my little boy , but there is . I don’t know what is wrong but I know it’s not “nothing much ” !

New shoes

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Today was the day , I’ve been trying to find a pair of shoes for months. The problem is I have psoriatic arthritis and plantar fasciitis , so gone are the days of buying what ever shoes I like.
I hate buying shoes at the best of times but when I have a list of requirements to fulfill it’s even harder.
A few weeks ago as I walked past clarks I noticed a pair that looked like they would fit the bill. I couldn’t afford them at the time so I had to jiggle my budget around a bit and save up for them.
This morning I decided to go get them shoes.
I walked into clarks where I was met by a very friendly sales assistant , I explained that I have arthritis and plantar fasciitis and therefore was looking for something very particular
Not slip on( as they strain my feet trying to keep them on)
Something that will give my feet some air ( I can’t wear flip flops or sandals anymore )
something with alot of support and flexibility
Something extremely comfortable
And most importantly , not little old lady shoes.
I showed her the pair if had my eye on , hopeful that they were in fact the shoe of my dreams , but she showed me how they weren’t atall padded inside and also weren’t very flexible .
She told me she knew exactly what I needed.
Then returned with a shoe that I have to say on first sight I hated. While she measured my feet I umm’d and
Aaah’d alot was she sure they weren’t very Middle Aged ?werethey slightly school shoey, what colour should I buy , was the tan a bit “old” the red too ” daring” the black “too much of a work shoe” ?
Then…. I put them on !

Any doubts I’d had that these were the shoes I’d been looking for all my life flew out of the shop door. They felt like heaven. Like walking on big fluffy white clouds.
I decided on the tan after consulting with 3 sales assistants and a customer who all agreed they looked good with my jeans ( my staple outfit)

I paid the stupendously high price and left the shop happy.

Of course when I got home the kids hated them.

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I think me and my feet will be very happy with my new shoes.