The really awkward one


Part one: the smear , Ive been quite a regular at my gp’s lately ,at my visit a couple of weeks ago she said she was concerned some of my symptoms could be cancerous , she asked me to hop onto the bed and have a quick smear test and rectal exam , a what what now ? Oh just a quick feel up your bum with my finger and a smear , you may realise I wasnt keen when I admit that its been 5 years since my last smear ,my reminders go in the bin , i dont like them , i dont like showing my va…..i hate that word …my foof to strangers let alone having stuff done to it and a finger up my bum ? What ? I had a bit of a panic ” oh no you can possibly do it now i need to be mentally prepared ” we booked in for a week later , instead of becoming mentally prepared I had time to panic I googled rectal exam ….ALOT ,
on the day I was terrified I showered just before I left home , I was sick with nerves ( actual vomit) in the doctors loo , twitter as always calmed me down , a lovely twitter friend reminded me my gp looks at tramps scrotums . Twitter had assured me none of this would hurt , I was unconvinced. My appointment was with a female gp , by choice , she asked if i wanted a chaperone in the room , frankly one person seeing my foof and my rectum was enough .I told her I was nervous , she reassured me that was normal and she wouldn’t rush me , I had privacy behind the curtain to remove my trousers and knickers , then she asked me to lay on my back with my feet touching and knees spread , she shined a light , brighter than then sun on my foof . The gp wore gloves and lubricated me with gel
Then inserted the speculum ( an instrument to keep the walls of the foof open) the did not hurt it was however a little cold , then my gp used a small brush to remove some cells for testing , I wont lie I felt a little scrape but again not painful , just a tad uncomfortable , it would have been over then but because of my symptoms my gp wanted to have a good look and rummage around , so for me it lasted a good few minutes , I was not in pain at any point , my gp talked me through everything : here come some facts *all women between 25 and 64 are invited for tests (25-49 every 3 years) (50-64 every 5 years) * abnormal changes in the cells of the cervix can be identified early and treated if necessary *early detection and treatment can prevent up to 75 % of cervical cancer .its easy to put off a smear test , through embarrassment , fear, not making time for your own health care , I left mine 5 years , it was a stupid stupid risk , the reality is that if I get cancer and die from it I leave behind 7 children , I wont take that risk again
please don’t ever take the risk , when you are invited for a smear test GO

Part two : the rectal examination,
This one terrified me , mostly because the thought of a stranger rummaging around in my bum with her finger sounded so undignified
I googled rectal exams till the cows came home , I asked twitter what it would be like , I lost sleep ….and then it was time , after the smear ( I know I’m so lucky right having both together ) my gp asked me to lay on my side with my knees pulled up , she talked me through what would happen, she would pop gloves on , lubricate her finger , insert it and have a feel .
She asked me to breath deep and slow as I was getting a big panicky , then announced ” I’m going in “
I can tell you with complete honesty ( and as a big wimp) there was no pain , it felt a bit weird , not the most comfortable I’ve ever been , but it was absolutely fine , NO PAIN and over in approximately one minute

Talking about poo , diorreah, constipation , blood in your stools , blood from your rectum are not the most comfortable things but if you need to discuss these things ( I’ve recently discussed a few from that list) just do it , ask to see the gp you are most comfortable with and just do it , your GP is used to these things and is there to help not to embarrass you , talking about these things can help your gp in early detection of things such as bowel cancer .

I got my smear results , all normal , but I was one of the lucky ones after taking the foolish risk of leaving 5 years between them ,
My rectal exam also showed nothing abnormal , again I was one of the lucky ones

Please if you get a letter inviting you for a smear test or youve been ignoring the letters like i did) make that appointment
Also if you need to speak to your doctor about poo, diorreah, constipation, blood from your bottom just do it ! It could help detect early serious illness
Life is very precious …don’t risk yours

Competetive parenting .


Its Easter weekend , so the chances
are your fb and twitter timelines are saturated with pics of the mountains of chocolate eggs , sweets and even presents that everybody has bought their children.

I have nothing against fun, making Easter special or even seeing and hearing about what other people do for Easter ,but its all got a bit much (the same can be said for Christmas and Halloween) it seems to have become about doing it better than everybody else. The meaning of all celebrations seems to be completely ignored in the quest to do it better than the next person.

I’ve been a parent for twenty years ,and I’ve seen competetive parenting rise as social media has risen. It seems that given an outlet to showcase themselves as fabulous parents most people just cant help themselves.

When I joined Twitter a few years ago it was refreshing , a much needed change from Facebook ,Twitter was a constantly moving conversation ,Facebook was where people built a facade of a perfect life ,twitter was where we told it like it is.

But twitter is becoming much more “look at me” “look how many presents I’ve bought my child,look at what I’ve planned for my child,look at what I’ve made my child,look at how many clothes I’ve bought my child,look what I’ve fed my child “There is pram envy ,sling envy,nappy envy, the list goes on and on. Yes I can do the obvious thing and just not read or look at the boasting ,not go on twitter, and I’ve actually been on twitter less and less lately but I think its a shame to see things changing this way.

Conversation is drying up and being replaced with boasting . All of our celebrations are becoming increasingly commercialised,and there is so much pressure to buy more and spend more on children. There is the sense that if your child doesn’t have the latest ,the most popular ,the MOST,you are not as good a parent.

 What’s wrong with just enjoying your children ,showering them with love rather than stuff and enjoying celebrations with them by actually learning about the meanings behind things.

I love reading about things people have done and if you’ve bought your child a new dress/toy/pram I’d love to see a picture but I’m finding all the boasting a little boring now.

Wouldn’t it be great if everybody just concentrated on being the best parent they can be rather than always trying to out do every other parent.

children wont remember how much money you spent on them,they will remember how much time you spent with them.

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The sleepover


Ollie has a dream , to be nocturnal , well he would settle for a compromise of staying up till after midnight. Although bed times in my house are not set in stone Ollie goes to bed when I do ,the 14 year old goes at 8:30! Because she likes to, she’s the superstar that managesto get us all up at the crack of dawn on school days , twelve year old goes between 9 and 10 and the bigger teens settle at some point around 11, I decided today with it being midweek ( plenty time for everyone to catch up on sleep) I’d let the 3 littlest have a ” sleepover” in the living room , they had sleeping bags, pringles and ( caffeine free) pepsi ,I told them they could play minecraft ( they also played smash bros on the wii as 17 year old joined) i 12 they had to put a dvd on and settle down while watching it ,
Ive not heard a peep since the dvd started , they were all tucked up cosy in their sleeping bags , there were a few fall outs which I decided to let them deal with themselves ( which they did) but mostly laughter ,they had fun and spent quality time together .

I took myself off to my room with tea , hot cross buns and a book , , my sister popped in , sixteen old joined me in my room to read , 3 eldest boys all annoyed me visited me in my room at some point to chat , but I got lots of reading done
and The kids had fun.

I think the “sleepover” was a success.

Show us your blog


Its thursday … us your blog day !

If you have a blog , old or new , big or small why not link up and show us ?
There are no rules but I think its nice to pop over onto one or two blogs that have also linked up and maybe leave a comment , this linky is all about sharing the blog love 💜 the linky is at the bottom of this post .

Come on….show us your blog

Pupil services ;never knowingly of any service to anyone


Bare with me ,I feel like ive told this story endlessly , but that’s what it is ,endless .

I deregistered Ollie back in November, because school was more traumatic than any 8 year old should ever have to deal with. I made the decision after alot of thought , it wasn’t hasty ,he very quickly became a happier little boy , we were falling into a rhythm of learning , at home ,it was a good thing..

Then the Education welfare officer got involved , the same one who was never bothered when my 18 year old was (illegally) taken off roll at 14 because his asd and other conditions made school difficult for him.  The family recovery project also started working with us and together they questioned my decision, doubted me made me believe id done the wrong thing , they were concerned that Ollie was a burden on me , excuse me ? My child a burden on me ? And told me without school Ollie would never become socialised.

Id like to point out here that of course I would like Ollie to be properly equipped for life ,I take Ollie out ,he socialises with his 6 siblings, with his granny ,we go to the park ,shops ,on buses ,because he knows I believe he must practice these things . I don’t believe that socialisation can only occur in a school setting ,I also don’t believe it to be the be all and end all for Ollie. Autistic people are obviously all individuals but I don’t think they crave ,need or want company at the same level as neurotypical people. (this is purely my own opinion)

Ollie is in fact happiest when he can have plenty of alone time ( private time as he calls it)

But they put doubt in my mind. We applied for schools , his statement was about to be completed and they were sure he’d get a place very quickly.

We waited and waited , six weeks , no news , the frp decided Ollie needed to be prepared for going to school so we began walking to and fro ,driving around the schools ,this was against my better judgement as I felt that preparing Ollie like this for something that didn’t seem it was going to happen was wrong. As I had expected Ollie soon became stressed and angry about this, refusing to talk about school anymore .

I was contacted by a lady from pupil services who was to be Ollies special needs caseworker , they were apparently still waiting on news from the schools we applied to but she suggested I apply to a local ASD unit , we had a look around I loved it and as suggested by his special needs caseworker I named it on his statement.

I assumed things were happening. But another 3 weeks down the line and still no news. No letters of rejection, no acceptance letters. And although I regularly call our case worker they never ever call me back. They are also not answering messages from the frp , and the ewo Is nowhere to be seen. There is just no communication at all.

Yesterday I had an appointment with Ollies psychiatrist ,we talked about school .He said that he doesn’t feel mainstream school is right for Ollie at all. He said that its really a case of a specialised Asd unit or no school. He asked if id asked for funding for any of the local private ASD units ( which you can only access with lA funding) I explained that our caseworker had told me not to even bother applying , he said that’s ridiculous and there’s no reason for me not to apply. Why is it that none of the ‘professionals’ are ever on the same page, saying the same thing.

why do they interfere and then when I go along with thier advice against my better judgement let me down ,ignore my phone calls and messages and leave us not knowing what’s going on.

I understand that pupil services are busy but really I find it extremely rude that they don’t return calls or messages ,especially when you are assigned a case worker who tells you she will be “dealing with your case” after all they are called pupil ‘services’ although they have never knowingly been of any service to anyone.  

This whole situation has has become a headache , a stress ,a worry , one of nobody doing what they are supposed to be doing, no communication and no coherent support for Ollie ,a 9 year old child with autism whatsoever.


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The one where I tried Fruit Broo


I am a big tea drinker , from first thing in the morning until bedtime I usually have a cup of tea on the go , sometimes though tea just doesn’t hit the spot .I’m not a fan of peppermint or camomile teas and I’ve not found a fruit tea that I enjoy , until I came across Fruit Broo on twitter , @FruitBroo.

Fruit Broo is not in bags . Bags can be messy , they can split , its hard to know just how long to leave the bag in for , Fruit Broo comes in little bottles ,100 ml for £2:50 , each bottle makes 15 yummy cups .
Its so simple to make , simply add a teaspoon or two of the syrup to hot water stir and enjoy .

Fruit Broo is 100% natural and contains no caffeine ( its also gluten free )

The best thing about Fruit Broo is the flavours :
Apple ginger and spice
Honey and lemon
Elderflower and lime
Peach pear and honey
Rhubarb apple and cinammon
Lemon and ginger
Blackberry and plum

I tried the apple ginger and spice , honey and lemon and the peach pear and honey , I found all 3 flavours very fruity and refreshing , the peach pear and honey was my favourite though. Ive been drinking more Fruit Broo than regular tea .
Delivery is free ( minimum 3 bottles) and I received my order very promptly .

I really did enjoy these drinks and as I’ve run out I’m about to order 3 different flavours . You can take a look at the website here ;

* I bought these drinks at full price , I was not asked to write a review ,I did so because I genuinely enjoyed these drinks .

Look whos back , back in town , well…back on the blog


I havent been blogging because ….reasons….meh!
But ive missed it ,blogging is my voice, my own little place that I’m the boss of ,so I’m back and itching to get blogging.
I have lots of blog posts i want to get out this week ….
I want to dust off ” my positive week ” because I had great feedback from that !
I want to persevere with my ” show us your blog linky” seriously how hard is it to get a linky on its way to being a success ?
Ive got some great interviews for my ” behind the blog” series ,and as well as word of the week and my sunday photo , id like to find another linky that I fit into .I also need to get blogging about my pyjama walk for autism , because how hard is it to get sponsors ? Who knew ?
I have also been meaning to review fruit broo tea ( because I love it)
So lots to be cracking on with , i hope you will enjoy my blog this week and if you know of any linkys i might fit in to please let me know xx i also desperately need to catch up on and comment on all the lovely blogs i read 😃

As always thank you for reading xxx

The one with the gp appointment.


what a week.

I got my blood test results last Saturday and my gp said that because of my symptoms ( PSA getting worse , IBS getting worse, microcytic anemia and vomiting every time I eat food)she was concerned that there may be something serious going on , she talked about the possibility of cancer ( bowel ,stomach or cervical) so she referred me for more blood tests ,so studies could be carried out on my blood and booked me in for a smear ,rectal exam and tummy examination.

Its been a long week
Ive been worried sick , today I had ny appointment , I was very nervous ( that’s probably why I threw up when I got to the surgery) but once again my lovely twitter followers talked me through it and my gp was very understanding.

First she confirmed the microcytic anemia and prescribed iron tablets, then it was time for the examinations, I needed to go to the loo first ( nerves) when I came back my gp said she was convinced I would bottle it and do a runner, that’s how scared I looked. She did the smear first , which was NOT painful just uncomfortable and said she was having a good look. She rummaged around for a good five minutes ,whilst I breathed as if I was in labour and said everything appeared to be completely normal , she’s confident that the smear test will come back all clear. Then the rectal examination. I wasn’t sure I would go through with it right up to the last moment but I did and it was fine. Uncomfortable but less so than the smear. Again she had a good rummage ,with her spotlight that was brighter than the sun shining up my bottom , again she said everything appeared normal . She then had a good feel of my tummy. It was very tender but she said she was confident that there were no lumps or bumps.

So the cause remains a mystery , although she reassured me that there is no indication of any kind of cancer. She has referred me to the gastroenterology department at the hospital for another endoscopy and an ultrasound.

My gp said its possible I may have crohns disease but its equally possible that my IBS is causing me stress and anxiety which could be making me vomit , which in turn could be the cause of the anemia , which would make me tired ,sick and more stressed , leading to more vomitting. A viscious circle.

Ive got more buscopan which I need to take before every meal and she said I need to try and power through the sickness and eat as well as I can to get my iron levels back up ,she also said its a good idea to carry on drinking complan when I really can’t manage food, so I’m getting enough nutrients and most importantly iron.

Although I still don’t know what’s making me so ill its an enormous relief to hear my gp say she is confident there’s no indication of cancer. 

Im also relieved its the Easter holidays so I can have some long mornings in bed and relax a bit while I try to get my Iron levels back up.

thank you for reading and thank you bloggers /tweeters for all your support. .    
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